I am 21 today!

Wow, things are incredibly horrible in my life right now. I need to make it through this week somehow.

please pray if you have a second- there's always someone who has it worse.

my parents are coming to visit and my birthday is sunday.

oh yeah, and one of my best friends just officially deleted me from her life forever today. it sucks when people hate you for doing the right thing.

I love Glenn SO MUCH. Go ahead and barf, but its true.

I am going to the Bahamas this week and thats about all I care about right now! I hate packing.

I cant wait to be MIA and unreachable for a couple days... its time for some REJUVENATION!

Edit: I am horrendously overpacking. But I have no more than two suitcases (one big one small). I actually thought I might have more. But I am editing the choices! I'm proud

Falling Away- The Fray
edited by me

You swear you recall nothing at all
That could make you come back down
You made up your mind to leave it all behind
Now you're forced to fight it out

You fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away from your past
But it's following you

You left something undone, it's now your rerun
It's the one you can't erase
You should have made it right, so you wouldn't have to fight
To put a smile back on your face

Something I've done that I can't outrun
Something I've done that I can't outrun
Maybe you should wait maybe you should run
But there's something you've said that can't be undone

-------------------------------------------                             -------------------------------------------------

I've just spent awhile looking through old photographs, dating all the way back from when I was a child, and many from high school- mainly through church camps. You could say I'm feeling 'nostalgic'...but I'm not longing for my past... I'm simply remembering and feeling it again. The past - truly something I've left behind... or have I? The Internet has made that pretty much impossible, hasn't it? There's no way to forget a time in your life when you can search for them in seconds and find out all about their life- see pictures that take you back- read blogs that inform you of their present- see everyone else and their connections to that person you used to be. You can drive by the building, and even though it looks different... it's still the same. I look the same but I've changed so much. I am different but I'm still the same.

The times I remember most are the times I felt the most alive. Whether that was positive or negative, those are what my memory is made of. Sometimes I can recall the smells in the room, the feel of my clothes or the way their eyebrows narrowed when they said those words. Sometimes I just hear a line from a song that reminds me of something and I'm back in that moment exactly, I can physically feel that time in my stomach.

Will I look back at college and remember the times I felt truly alive?

Will I look back and feel that I missed my life passing me by?

Another quote I found useful:
"You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place...like you'll not only miss the people you love, but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and at this place, because you'll never be this way ever again."

ding dang dong. One pack of peanut M&Ms has about 460 calories. Yikes.

Here's an idea: never go to the grocery store when you are in a bad mood.

Today I had to get some groceries after a grueling four hour class on American foreign policy. It was hard to concentrate since that was my last "real" class before the final on Wednesday. I had a list of all the food I wanted to purchase. Unfortunately when you are in a grumpy pants mood Publix is very likely to be missing a lot of the things you need. You will inevitably inspect the produce with much more disdain than ever before. You will scowl at the disorganized way all the food is placed on the shelves, and you will wonder to yourself WHY Publix has gone so downhill because that bagger sucked and never even offered to take your cart out for you, and why on earth they don't seem to have that one damn bag of whole wheat rolls you were craving.

For the sake of your cart that you're jerking around and abandoning in the parking lot...

don't go grocery shopping in a foul mood.

Yep its still break up season.

I got a pair of sheets made out of beechwood. And they are so soft and AMAZING.

I have a final on Wednesday, I should be writing the essay now but I am 100% unmotivated. I've been sitting in front of my computer for an hour now.

I may have a marketing internship for Bonita Bay Group for fall! If that goes through it will be fabulous.

My room is really dirty and its making me nervous. I want to clean and move into Kandi's bedroom already!

I cannot wait for Wednesday to be OVER. Summer school will be finished and I will enjoy three glorious weeks of no school.

So much drama this month of July. It will be good for this month to be over.

PS- One thing I do love about my house when it has 5 girls living in it and usually many guests at a time... it feels like a sorority house, and this is when I feel like I'm really living college. Its fun, crowded and bustling- and even though I cant concentrate a damn bit on homework- I love it.

Man it is break-up season. I'm glad I'm not breaking up with anyone! And sorry to everyone that is

Good things that happened this week:
my Internet is working
my presentation and report are over
I had Tuesday off
we have working telephones in my home
got to hang with Jill

Bad things:
Michelle moved home and withdrew from FGCU
Michelle moved home and withdrew from FGCU
Michelle moved home and withdrew from FGCU

Umm I've had more drama in the past seven days than I ever want for the rest of my life.

Everything just gets put into perspective... I've learned so much about myself my junior year in college.

I want to write so much more but I'm so exhausted. Mentally, physically and especially emotionally!