“I believe time alone doesn’t
heal. You have to want to get over your ex and constantly try to see
yourself happy without them. As long as you focus on the fear that you’ll
never meet anyone else, the anger that they left, or the hope you’ll
get them back, you’ll stay pretty much stuck in the same place. Of course,
you need to take time to grieve the end of a relationship, but you also
need to keep looking and moving forward – not backwards. It’s important
to do new things, meet new people and create new memories. Gradually,
as you force yourself to interact with others, you will start to find
yourself enjoying at least parts of life again. If keeping yourself
busy was the only solution to getting over an ex, then none of us would
be here. It’s a combination of doing these things, time and crucially
adopting the right attitude that works.” 

read these lyrics:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I’ll never let you go

Tenth Avenue North
By your side

Time for a new blog. I actually would really like to get into writing again, but maybe get paid for it? Anyone know how that works?

This is the summer (year?) of uncertainty for me, and it’s been tough! God is really showing me some things and giving me no choice but to trust him. I never thought I had too much of a problem with that, but again, me being wrong.

Still in the process of securing my first “real world” job- aka the first steps into my career. I’ve been doing lots of interviews, and driving back and forth across the state, a job in itself. So far I’ve had two interviews with firms for positions I am not interested in. Then,

• I’ve had two phone interviews with ESPN Radio- they need a promotions director in West Palm Beach

• two live interviews with The Gab Group- public relations and marketing firm in Boca Raton, they need an administrative assistant/personal assistant for the director/jr account executive

• and an upcoming interview for a marketing assistant position for an insurance company in Fort Lauderdale

and I am waiting to hear back from one or all of these companies. The waiting game, you gotta love it. EAch of these positions have their pros and cons of course, and I am trying not to get my hopes up too high.

AHHHHHHHH. My life is so in transition right now, it’s really hard to cope!

Someone wise once told me that just because you hit rock bottom, doesn’t always mean “there’s no where to go but up”. You don’t just hit the bottom for a split second and zoom right back up. Sometimes you have to hang out there at the bottom, or travel along in that dark cave. What’s important is that you keep moving forward, rather than wallowing. Eventually, you will see the light- it might be at the end of the tunnel. But you’ll get there, and start that climb out.

Oh and by the way…MY SYMPATHIES FOR ANYONE WHO’S EVER HAD TO HAVE WISDOM TEETH REMOVED.

I had to get mine out about a week and half ago, and all four at once. All impacted – for those of you that dont know what that means- really hard to get out and super painful! I also am super poor and could only afford the very least amount of medicine for the procedure. Which meant I was awake the entire time and still had feeling in my mouth!!! Most people get fully knocked out for the surgery, if that tells you anything. I had horrible pain for an entire week (most people= 2-3 days) and am only now getting back to a solid diet. I still miss apples and nuts, but those hurt too much!

Ouch ouch. I am so glad that’s over. I can’t wait for my teeth to stop being sensitive and I can turn my electric toothbrush on. And not have stitched up holes in my mouth!!

I also went to Alabama for my little sister’s high school graduation. Another sweet sweet reminder of how old I’m getting.

Oh I had an interview for a job…that went horribly. The company interviewed me and at the end of the interview told me …” oh, by the way…we already filled the position you applied for…but how do you feel about SALES?”

I’ll tell you how I feel about sales. Not what I want to do. I’m also not down with dishonest interviews that I traveled 2 hours for!!! Grrr

In other news- some personal breakthroughs for me lately. God is trying to teach my stubborn self some lessons- and I’m trying to listen. Weirdly enough, a Natasha Bedingfield song is quite fitting. Time for bed!

So…new xanga world is scary and I’m kind of lazy. Therefore it makes me not want to post.

I do miss blogging though…even when only um 2 people read my blog. It’s therapeutic for me anyways.

So…I confessed my tattoo to my parents last night! Well at least I have confessed it if they’ve checked their email.   My mom actually wasn’t even mad. She said she wasn’t thrilled…but I had good reasons to do it and that she kind of liked it. She also said there are a lot worse things kids can do than get a tattoo. My mom’s a wise one. But I explained in my email that it wasn’t a rash decision, in fact I waited a really long time to do. And seriously, it’s really small anyways. Barely a tattoo. Maybe a half-tat.

And if any of you are wondering what it is, it’s a little Christian fish on my foot. And if you’re wondering what my reasons were, heres a short synopsis.

After everything I’ve been through this semester, I kept listening to certain worship songs that talked about giving yourself to the Lord and trusting him to take you where you need to be. I put it on my foot because I am trying to walk in the Lord’s way… without trying to control where that is. I wanted/needed a constant reminder of it, too.

If you want more info this website is cute too: http://www.eureka4you.com/fish/fishsymbol.htm

In other news…Glenn and I are still broken up. And I’m still grieving- which I know is normal…it’s only been three months and we did date almost five years…but it still sucks. I try not to let it get me down too much of the time. At least I try not to play the blame game or the what if game or subject my friends to endless amounts of crying or depressing stories. I have made a few cynical comments about love recently that actually surprised me!

I might be becoming a bitter old woman?

Or maybe a nun.

Not.

In other news…I graduate on Sunday with my bachelor’s degree! Whoohoo! Made it in four years and all by myself too. To toot my own horn slightly- I am graduating with honors and a double minor…and am proud to say that I supported myself and got myself through college with very little help from my parents. So I’m awesome. And now comes the scary part- finding “the job”. More about that in future posts. Now I need to make sure I do something FUN for myself for graduating. Feel free to fund this.

Goodnight!

This could be one of the worst months of my life. I want my life in order again.

Quick, as fast as you can, name the girls you know with babies from your graduating class of 2004:

here I go

Lauren
Cyndy
Kelly
Adrienne
Sacha (twins, does that count twice?)
Jenat
Denise
Jackie
Christina P.
Angie (c/o 03)
Becky (c/o 05)
Emily (c/o 05)
Katie- she is trying

And I can’t remember a few others. One is married and two are engaged. A few are single. Wowowow

So. I am going to be a bridesmaid and I just got asked today!

Oh. the wedding is Saturday.

my life is insane

First blog in a month. I am so, so weary. It’s amazing exactly just how much time gets away from you in just a couple months. Actually its amazing how many things have happened in my life in a couple months. I need to dump.

(note: my xanga is no longer available to the public eye for many reasons. so you ARE  privy.)

I lost one of my best friends last July. And by that I do not mean she physically died. Sometimes it does feel like that, though. Lots of things were apparently building up for so long with her… eventually they came out. There were a lot of decisions she made that I didn’t agree with- ones so large they separated us. I’m still not exactly over it, honestly. We were friends since I was in high school, and best friends through college. Now we are literally physically separated by a few hundred miles and about a hundred miles in every other way. I’m actually going to stop talking about it because it is still rather raw. But its been a huge event and stressor for me starting up the fall semester. I’ve never had a lot of best friends, and unfortunately have had far too many bad female relationships. Add this one to the list, I guess.

I also began an amazing internship with Bonita Bay Group- my umbrella company for the fitness center that I also currently work at. I work at corporate in the marketing department and truly love it. It is certainly a blessing God gave me because it has given me a lot of insight into what I want to do for my career. I get paid 0.0. That is where it gets hard. Doing over a hundred hours there working for free is a financial stressor in a very major way. I took out my first loan- a hard thing for me because I’ve ALWAYS been jusssst able to support myself. It took a lot of letting go of my pride to ask for something like that. Balancing my internship with my regular job and my current (hard!) school load is a challenge I face every single day when I wake up. I have to lean on the Lord more than ever because this is the most time crunched semester I’ve ever had. I also highly value quality time (its my love language)- getting this in with my current relationship and friendships is also hard. After losing such a close friend I value my other friends more than ever- it’s hard to not have time for them.

More business and hardship is that Glenn is moving away in a couple of months. We’ve made this decision for a few reasons, the main one being that he can make more money at a steady job (both have been hard to come by here). He’s also just miserable here, and the last of his friends have also moved for better opportunities. His moving away will allow us to save up some money to hopefully get married and get a house and all that. The sucky part is, we’ve been together four and a half years, and when I first came to college, we did the 2.5 hour long distance thing for an entire year. We were blessed to have him able to move over here, where we’ve both been for about two years (ish). It is going to be so hard to be apart again, especially with so many recent changes in both of our lives. Honestly, being that far apart sucks. Being far apart for my very last semester in college sucks even more. I desperately want to vivaciously live out my last year in college- it’s awful to have to do it without him. There are a few more financial complications, but thats the basics of everything with Glenn.

Then of course there have been the basic stresses of everyday college life. Work- lately things have been slightly messy there- classes- tests/homework- balancing my health- etc etc.

this post has been quite therapeutic for me!

I will be okay… I always am… but I hate wishing for this year to be over, even though thats what I want!!!! I know deep down though- once it’s gone ya CAN’T GET IT BACK.

my xanga’s getting locked down today.