October 23, 2007

• First blog in a month. I am so, so weary. It's amazing exactly just how much time gets away from you in just a couple months. Actually its amazing how many things have happened in my life in a couple months. I need to dump.

  (note: my xanga is no longer available to the public eye for many reasons. so you ARE  privy.)

  I lost one of my best friends last July. And by that I do not mean she physically died. Sometimes it does feel like that, though. Lots of things were apparently building up for so long with her... eventually they came out. There were a lot of decisions she made that I didn't agree with- ones so large they separated us. I'm still not exactly over it, honestly. We were friends since I was in high school, and best friends through college. Now we are literally physically separated by a few hundred miles and about a hundred miles in every other way. I'm actually going to stop talking about it because it is still rather raw. But its been a huge event and stressor for me starting up the fall semester. I've never had a lot of best friends, and unfortunately have had far too many bad female relationships. Add this one to the list, I guess.

  I also began an amazing internship with Bonita Bay Group- my umbrella company for the fitness center that I also currently work at. I work at corporate in the marketing department and truly love it. It is certainly a blessing God gave me because it has given me a lot of insight into what I want to do for my career. I get paid 0.0. That is where it gets hard. Doing over a hundred hours there working for free is a financial stressor in a very major way. I took out my first loan- a hard thing for me because I've ALWAYS been jusssst able to support myself. It took a lot of letting go of my pride to ask for something like that. Balancing my internship with my regular job and my current (hard!) school load is a challenge I face every single day when I wake up. I have to lean on the Lord more than ever because this is the most time crunched semester I've ever had. I also highly value quality time (its my love language)- getting this in with my current relationship and friendships is also hard. After losing such a close friend I value my other friends more than ever- it's hard to not have time for them.

  More business and hardship is that Glenn is moving away in a couple of months. We've made this decision for a few reasons, the main one being that he can make more money at a steady job (both have been hard to come by here). He's also just miserable here, and the last of his friends have also moved for better opportunities. His moving away will allow us to save up some money to hopefully get married and get a house and all that. The sucky part is, we've been together four and a half years, and when I first came to college, we did the 2.5 hour long distance thing for an entire year. We were blessed to have him able to move over here, where we've both been for about two years (ish). It is going to be so hard to be apart again, especially with so many recent changes in both of our lives. Honestly, being that far apart sucks. Being far apart for my very last semester in college sucks even more. I desperately want to vivaciously live out my last year in college- it's awful to have to do it without him. There are a few more financial complications, but thats the basics of everything with Glenn.

  Then of course there have been the basic stresses of everyday college life. Work- lately things have been slightly messy there- classes- tests/homework- balancing my health- etc etc.

  this post has been quite therapeutic for me!

  I will be okay... I always am... but I hate wishing for this year to be over, even though thats what I want!!!! I know deep down though- once it's gone ya CAN'T GET IT BACK.

  • 11:31 pm
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