July 31, 2007

• Falling Away- The Fray
  edited by me

  You swear you recall nothing at all
  That could make you come back down
  You made up your mind to leave it all behind
  Now you're forced to fight it out

  You fall away from your past
  But it's following you
  You fall away from your past
  But it's following you

  You left something undone, it's now your rerun
  It's the one you can't erase
  You should have made it right, so you wouldn't have to fight
  To put a smile back on your face

  Something I've done that I can't outrun
  Something I've done that I can't outrun
  Maybe you should wait maybe you should run
  But there's something you've said that can't be undone

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  I've just spent awhile looking through old photographs, dating all the way back from when I was a child, and many from high school- mainly through church camps. You could say I'm feeling 'nostalgic'...but I'm not longing for my past... I'm simply remembering and feeling it again. The past - truly something I've left behind... or have I? The Internet has made that pretty much impossible, hasn't it? There's no way to forget a time in your life when you can search for them in seconds and find out all about their life- see pictures that take you back- read blogs that inform you of their present- see everyone else and their connections to that person you used to be. You can drive by the building, and even though it looks different... it's still the same. I look the same but I've changed so much. I am different but I'm still the same.

  The times I remember most are the times I felt the most alive. Whether that was positive or negative, those are what my memory is made of. Sometimes I can recall the smells in the room, the feel of my clothes or the way their eyebrows narrowed when they said those words. Sometimes I just hear a line from a song that reminds me of something and I'm back in that moment exactly, I can physically feel that time in my stomach.

  Will I look back at college and remember the times I felt truly alive?

  Will I look back and feel that I missed my life passing me by?

  Another quote I found useful:
  "You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place...like you'll not only miss the people you love, but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and at this place, because you'll never be this way ever again."
  

  • 11:35 pm
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