June 4, 2007
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Some things on my mind.
Why is it that occasionally you envy someone else's life so much that it makes yours feel sort of... inadequate? I've never felt this way until recently... and I think its because someone that I don't really like that much seems to have everything I've ever wanted. And that sparks some nasty feelings of the green eyed monster, I think. Actually, I'm not even sure I'd call it jealousy. I feel sort of... wistful. And it feels yucky.
I hate when anything feels like a competition. I hate when girls do it, I hate when friends do it, enemies, siblings, countries do it. I just don't believe life was made to be competitive. And I hate to feel that way. It feels horrible! I swear its ingrained in our heads at a young age to want to be better than the next. And maybe a tiny bit of competition is healthy at times... with grades...with sports...with job interviews...but life? Maybe it's in our human nature. I mean, Lucifer wanted to be the favorite, the best. And what about Cain?
Blah. Competition makes me think of engagements. Getting engaged or married is not a freakin race. Of course everyone wants to be happy and in love in a forever commitment. But rushing or doing it just to 'win' can make your forever into a no longer. I'm feeling like many girls around my age want to get engaged just to have a big diamond and to "own" their man. Some girls do it for security, for finances, some do it for all the right reasons. I think it just makes me nervous to see so many people making that commitment, many of them that I've seen with histories of crazy relationships and instability.
And brides too. Whaddafrickisup with wedding obligations? Why is it you have to invite family members you don't even like? Why do you 'have' to spend money on things you don't even want? Have people in your wedding party that you barely know like your brothers-wifes-cousins-son? I just want to clear it up right now and say that whenever I do get married, as much as possible about that day is going to be about me, and except for those dumb family members I'm going to make some decisions. I'm not saying I won't take other's feelings into consideration, because that I certainly will, but come on! Weddings are for people who want to share that special day committing to their partner and to the Lord with people that they love and that support them in every way. And I dont think anyone else belongs there. Who cares if that's only five or ten people?
I like pickles but not the sweet kind
Comments (1)
There's a difference between competition and envy though. Life was meant to be competitive. Without competition, there's no progress. There's mediocrity, at best. Competition is the incentive that drives improvements; cultural, technological, economic, educational, everything. That's why communism was and is such an abysmal failure; you eliminate competition at the expense of motivation. You and I live in such comfort because our culture emerged from one vigorously chasing after perfection, and trying to get there before those who would destroy it. Reality's no bed of roses, that's for sure.
It does suck, nowadays. Stupid kids think if they don't fight for a month they ought to get married. They go into it with that awful mindset, "oh well, I can always get a divorce" then consequently fail to consider things like personal views, culture, religion, politics, etc., and then they have the audacity to speak of a lasting marriage like it's some kind of random chance crap shoot. Hollywood be damned!
I'll be able to replace that impractical paperweight just as soon as I get a real job. The job I'm likely to get involves me getting issued a gun. Does that make you feel safe?
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